Denmark's Hot Buns and EstoniShaq 1 12
by The Nordic Losers
Summary: Denmark opens a restaurant called Hot Buns. Many things happen...many things. Including EstoniShaq 1.5.


I do not own Hetalia, Hooters, or Hot Buns. So the 3 H's. I don't own anything in this story except the Shaq x Estonia pairing, which was made by accident by my cousin and me. I don't own Shaq and I don't own Estonia so the pairing can be used freely, although I was the one who made it up. Enjoy!

^L^

Denmark was wondering why he had thrown his life basically away. He had nothing to do, his government was in a predicament, and Norway was ignoring him. His life was just absolutely fabulous at the moment. If only...

He picked up Sweden's newspaper off the table and saw a few interesting articles about the Swedish economy. Of course it was wonderful. Denmark cursed his bad luck and threw the newspaper down on the table with force as he felt tears coming to his eyes. But 'cause he was Danish, he wouldn't give up. He made the manly tears go away and began walking out of the room when something caught his eye.

It was the newspaper. There was an ad for a place called Hooter's in America...typical Alfred leaving his stuff over at the Nordic's house. Denmark saw some slutty-looking waitresses on the ad realized "Hey, what do people want more on Friday and Saturday nights than food and sex?" Denmark realized this was a perfect opportunity to make some money and began working on his little plan...

A few months later and Denmark had his own restaraunt. He called it "Hot Buns" because it just seemed like a sexy name. He sold sex toys, had sexy waiters, and of course fattening food like Alfred would serve. It was his own Danish paradise...Americanized. He chuckled at his own genius as he flirted with a few of the sexy waitresses before he saw the other Nordics come to visit his little restaurant.

"Hey!" Finland said, hugging Denmark cautiously and returning to Sweden's side, who was glaring at Denmark with profound hatred. "We just came to see how your restaurant was coming along! It seems like a really...uh...nice place!" Finland gestured around at the slutty waitresses whose boobs were literally falling out of their shirts.

"Y'ha...," Sweden said, still giving Denmark a cold poker face.

"I fucking hate it here." Norway said, turning his back on Denmark and scoffing, "Look at all the sluts. This place is like a brothel, not a restaurant. What's to drink? Milk. What's to eat? Breastases."

Denmark tried to calm Norway down as he started going on a rampage about coffee, prostitution, waffles, Netherlands, and how the European Union kept bugging him to join them even though he wanted to stay out of all "Europe's shit".

Iceland stared out at the restaurant and decided to go try and get away but just as he was sneaking to the "bathroom" Denmark saw him and grabbed him by his tie.

"Jahaha not so fast Icey!" Denmark laughed, grinning from ear to ear. "You're gonna be one of my greeters at the door! You just show people to their table and that's all!"

"Um..ok..." Iceland said, not really caring. Besides, when he was by the door he could escape easier.

Iceland got an apron and put it on. Finland and Sweden were serving at the bar and Norway was being dragged around by Denmark, who was giving him a full tour of Hot Buns.

Iceland sat down on a stool and sighed as he looked at the door. Then he saw a flash of blonde hair and began getting worried. No...it wasn't...no...

Estonia walked in with a huge bag that said "I'm Estonian so suck my dick!", an air pump, and Latvia. He had this look on his face that Latvia knew all too well..and Iceland secretly did too. Iceland went around unknown a lot of the time so he had witnessed many Estonian moments. And whenever he had to use the bathroom when Estonia was in there too...well he heard some very interesting things from the next stall.

"Hiiiiii Iceland!" Estonia said shyly, trying to hide the air pump. Latvia glanced up at Iceland with this "oh shit please help me!" look on his face. Iceland looked away from Latvia and tried to give him a look that expressed his sympathy, as he wouldn't want to go anywhere with that Estonian creep either.

Iceland led Estonia and Latvia to their table when Estonia "had to use the bathroom". Iceland secretly followed Estonia in the bathroom and realized he had brought the air pump and bag with him...odd.

Iceland went in the next stall as quiet as he could and heard the air pump begin being used in the next stall. "What the hell?" Iceland thought, before he heard Estonia going "Oh yeah...gotta be nice and Shaqtastic..."

Iceland decided to get the hell out of the bathroom when he heard a recording of Shaquille O'Neal's voice going 'oh yeah shoot them baskets.' and 'shoot, slam, DUNK!'

Meanwhile Latvia was waiting at the table for Estonia to get back. He eyed the door and wondered if he could get out of Hot Buns without Mr. Estonia noticing...when he saw Estonia emerging from the bathroom with his huge Shaquille doll...SHIT

Latvia put his head down on the table and pretended to be sleeping when Estonia finally made it back to the table.

"Oh yeah Shaq...oh yeah...oh yeah keep it up Shaq...so hot..." Estonia kept murmuring to the Shaq doll.

Latvia silently began crying because of Estonia's nasty relationship with his Shaq doll. Instead of just jacking off Estonia always had his Shaq doll to...uh...do the deed with. Every time Russia or America ripped up Estonia's Shaq doll, Estonia somehow found a way to get a new and "discounted" one.

A slutty waitress came over and offered Estonia a sex toy along with a discount on his meal. Estonia of course took the sex toy and began using it, making the situation even more awkward for Latvia.

"Oh yeah Shaq...ride my discostick...uhhhh yeah...oh shit no my dick is about to explode! oh yeah...creamy...creamy...cram it up my ass Shaq...cram it...oh...oh...yeah...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH SHAQ I LOVE YOUR CREAMY DISCOSTICK!" Estonia yelled at the top of his lungs. People all around the restaurant stared at Estonia and glared. Partly because he said Shaq and part of the reason because he just jizzed in his pants.

Latvia bawled and ran out the door, making Estonia mad because part of the reason he came here was to enjoy his body with young Latvia. Oh well, there was still Shaq...there was always Shaq.

Denmark was going around and surveying the tables to see how the people were enjoying their time at Hot Buns when he came to Estonia's table. He noticed the Shaq love doll and was a bit puzzled, taking a few steps back when it said "yeah **Edvard** keep shooting those baskets!"

"Um hi Estonia..." Denmark said, hoping the puzzled nature of his voice wasn't too obvious. "How are you enjoying Hot Buns tonight?"

"Oh it's so great...enjoyin' those dark chocolate Hot Buns pressed against my white nuggets..." Estonia said, rubbing the Shaq doll's discostick.

Denmark was having a WTF moment but kept trying to talk to his restaurant's customer, his fellow country, Estonia. "How do you enjoy the sexual aspect of this restaurant?"

"Oh I love the sexual aspect...oh Shaq I love your sexual aspect..." Estonia crooned, making Denmark nearly sick, "Oh yeah the sex toys are great Shaq and I love them..."

Denmark continued making weird conversation with Estonia before moving to other tables. Before he knew it it was time for the restaurant to close and time to go home with the other Nordics.

"So what'd you guys think of Hot Buns?!" Denmark said excitedly in the car.

"It was great..." Norway said sarcastically, "Never seen so many hoes in one place in my lifetime..."

"I thought it was ok," Finland said, laughing nervously as Sweden put his arm around his shoulders. Finland pulled Sweden's arm closer to him and hugged Su-San.

"Ja, 't w's 'k." Sweden murmured as the car started and they were leaving.

"I don't really know..." Iceland said, trying to keep quiet as Mr. Puffin fell asleep in his lap, exhausted from calling so many customers and waitresses whores, hoes, ect.

"Did you see that freak Estonia and his weird black love doll?" Denmark asked, wondering if he was just so drunk at the time he saw Estonia with the doll or if it was real.

"Yep...sure did." Norway said. "That thing was freaky."

"It was freakier than Nicki Minaj's butt!" Finland piped up from the back seat, being crushed as Sweden fell asleep on his shoulder and made him scoot over all the way by Iceland. Norway was of course in the passenger seat due to Denmark's request and sort-of-kind-of-forcing.

"Yeah, tell me about it..." Denmark said.

The Nordics had a fascinating car ride home home, of course. How could you not with somebody like Denmark to keep you company?

P.S. there really is a Danish restaurant called Hot Buns that gives out sex toys and is like a Danish Hooters, which is what inspired this story.


End file.
